I've pretty much been guilty for 18months. I've stopped that now.

As I've said before I moved away from Australia at a highly emotional time, leaving me with extra baggage of guilt. This is on top of the standard dose of mummy guilt. 
Guilt sucks.
It rears its head at the height of success. At the happy gathering. And the quiet coffee break.
Guilt is not helpful.
It drags you down. It says you shouldn't. It says you can't.  It questions your every move, your integrity.
As someone who prides myself on my integrity (in between asking for forgiveness for when I'm wrong), on my honesty and kindness, it's not helpful.
It's not all guilt that's bad, some is right there quietly and gently reminding us to ask for forgiveness, to say sorry, to pipe down. But this guilt is from  a place of love and will instruct and correct.
The other ugly guilt is made from Fear, telling us all those awful negative things. It's terrorising us. I've had enough. It's not productive. It's not honouring the cause I came here for. It was time to say no. 
And as always when I'm processing challenges the theme runs in conversations I have. One with a work college and another with a mummy friend. 
My answer; If you can answer these questions then what are you fighting yourself for...
Did I do the best I could to the best of my ability?
Was I considerate in my decision making?
And if so, give yourself a break. 
Like Brene Brown says 'talk to yourself like you'd talk to someone you love!
You're only human.

My cups of coffee are much more peaceful (most of the time), I have headspace to grow and love and build. 

Oh, and when you're on the other side, remember the encouraging words of others that pulled you through... and then sprinkle them about like glitter. 

Melinda x


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